PAGE 89
1) Strengths and weaknesses of each sentence:
The first sentence is very strong. It clearly states what the goal of the company is an addressing all interested audiences.
The second sentence is too long and has too much repetition of the word "enough". Instead, the sentence should say, "We constantly scour the world looking for products that are good, well-built, and classy enough to fit the high standards of our established website, www.bestbabygear.com". One strong point of this sentence though is that it states their website which is good information for the reader and potential client to have.
The third sentence is also too long and contains too much slang. It's attempt to emphasis that this company guarantees only the best for their customers is important, however. It is important for the potential supplier to know their standards.
Finally, the last line brings the message to a close. The line is clear with its final statement which is a plus, however, it could be less wordy to make it more concise.
2) Our e-tailing company, Best Baby Gear, specializes in the best products for parents of newborns, infants, and toddlers. We constantly search all over the world for products that fit the high standards for our website, www.bestbabygear.com. Every product is carefully selected to ensure that they will all be top-sellers and optimize our profits. After much consideration, we feel that your Inglesina lines would further advance our company.
Reflection:
After reading the written version of the message in the book, I felt like it was so wordy and complicated that no business with communication like that should be taken seriously. The purpose of the message was apparent: to sell the concept of the e-company to a manufacturer. Although it did so, I was able to decipher the main points in much fewer words and feel like it would be more acceptable to present to a potential client. My reflection of this activity is that in the business world, it is not fancy, complicated wording that impresses people. Simplicity and clarity are the ways to effectively communicate.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
BioPowerPoint_Melissa Mirchin
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Weekly Blog 1-21-10
Page 63 Number 9
My audience in question number 9 is most likely parents, especially mothers, who need to go grocery shopping. Another potential audience would be directed towards children because they are the ones who most likely eat the peanut butter. The general attitude of the audience is most likely an indifferent one. Parents may be slightly irritated at the reminder of going shopping and children could potentially be excited because they do not have to buy or shop for the product, they only have to enjoy it. The audience needs to know where to find the peanut butter, any benefits that particular brand has over other brands (example: extra nutrients), and the cost of the peanut butter/if there is a special deal.
Page 63 Number 11
My audience in question number 11 is the potential employer. The potential employer's general attitude towards the cover letter sent with the resume is probably positive and excited because people are interested in the job opening. The potential employer needs to know from the cover letter information about the interested, potential employee. Some information on the cover letter may include name, phone number, and email address. The resume itself needs to have lists of the potential employee's skills, qualifications, and achievements. The audience (potential employer) needs to receive the message that the employee is interested and qualified for the job opening.
My audience in question number 9 is most likely parents, especially mothers, who need to go grocery shopping. Another potential audience would be directed towards children because they are the ones who most likely eat the peanut butter. The general attitude of the audience is most likely an indifferent one. Parents may be slightly irritated at the reminder of going shopping and children could potentially be excited because they do not have to buy or shop for the product, they only have to enjoy it. The audience needs to know where to find the peanut butter, any benefits that particular brand has over other brands (example: extra nutrients), and the cost of the peanut butter/if there is a special deal.
Page 63 Number 11
My audience in question number 11 is the potential employer. The potential employer's general attitude towards the cover letter sent with the resume is probably positive and excited because people are interested in the job opening. The potential employer needs to know from the cover letter information about the interested, potential employee. Some information on the cover letter may include name, phone number, and email address. The resume itself needs to have lists of the potential employee's skills, qualifications, and achievements. The audience (potential employer) needs to receive the message that the employee is interested and qualified for the job opening.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Weekly Blog--Week 2
Today in class, we did an exercise that I found to be especially interesting. We revised an e-mail that a business owner sent out to new employees from Hong Kong. The original e-mail included American slang and other improper phrases that could be confusing to people of another culture. I enjoyed revising the e-mail so that the new foreign employees could comprehend the message better. I found this interesting because I enjoy studying the cultural differences in communication. In fact, I am doing a research experiment in another one of my classes about physical and verbal communication and how different ethnic and cultural backgrounds influence it. I look forward to study these differences further in business communication class this semester.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
My Expectations for the Course
After having my first real job this summer in a professional office, I realized that when trying to write emails or memos to my co-workers I was not using the proper business format. It looked very unprofessional and is definitely something that I look forward to improving through this course. I will also be graduating in another year and applying for jobs. It is important that I not only fill out my resume correctly but also that I utilize the format of it to enlighten future employers of all of my abilities. Through this business communication class, I expect to make the transition from an inexperienced student to a well-rounded future employee.
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